NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 

Posted: April 8, 2017 in UNLEASHIDEA INC.

1. Hello y’all & thanks for having me on your platform to talk about an issue that’s now so pandemic-DV|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

2. Definition of DV has been given earlier, sharing it again so that we address the full spectrum | #NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

3. DV affects everyone regardless of strata or education and can be perpetrated by all genders | #NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

4. DV affects not just the victims, but also family members, friends, co-workers, community at large |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

5. Sadly, victims of DV often cite their children as a reason for staying in abusive relationships | #NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

6. Often we talk of the more obvious cases of domestic abuse –Physical & Sexual but neglect others | #NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

7. Psychological-Emotional-Verbal-Economic/Financial Abuse are also as insidious/DAMAGING to victims|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

8. According to Craig Malkin, PhD, “many victims of DV suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, one symptom of which is dissociation..”

9. “DISSOCIATION creates such profound detachment from reality of the abuse that sufferers scarcely remember/are in DENIAL of being hurt..”

10.Dissociated victims often DON’T leave abusers because they aren’t psychologically present enough to process their pain/danger of abuse..

11. Often it would take a well-trained professional to do a strategic intervention which gets victims of abuse back into an ASSOCIATED state

12. In a nation like Nigeria with a social COGNITIVE DISSONANCE and skewed Religious/Cultural influences in some cases, DISSOCIATION is HIGH

13. This is why I encourage many religious orgs to have a formal network of professionally trained mental health professionals for referrals

14. Are you a VICTIM or PERPETRATOR of domestic violence? Here are some general definitions of each |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

15. Physical abuse is more commonly talked about & often easily prosecuted; easier to gather evidence |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

16. Sexual abuse in a relationship often fall under the grey areas as it is often difficult to prove|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

17. Are you an unconscious victim or perpetrator of Financial abuse in your relationship? Self-check|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

18. A quick note -during challenging economic conditions/recession, even healthy relationships need a lot of communication about finances..

19. During dating/courtship or even if an arranged marriage, I often suggest that couples “make money talk part of their pillow/date talk!”

20. Sometimes, a prospective spouse/partner may be seemingly “perfect” during courtship & victims of domestic violence fail to see any sign

21. In other instances, abusers begin early to show signs of a pre-disposition to abuse. Once you notice anything, do NOT ignore your gut!!

22. Lack of financial independence is often cited by victims of DV as a reason for staying on in it|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

23. In societies without established laws/enforcement of child custodial rights/alimony, it affects choices of victims|#NoToDomesticViolence

24. I advocate starting early to teach financial independence to ALL children, especially GIRLS |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

25. I also highly recommend all religious organizations involve professional subject matter experts to talk to couples BEFORE their marriage

26. Every faith-based org I work with, I encourage them to have an open door policy for professional intervention re domestic abuse cases.

27. Religious organizations, community leaders/cultural influencers are necessary stakeholders to eliminate/curb domestic abuse in society.

28. Relevant Laws are very important & Govt MUST provide good regulatory framework -however, IT is all geared more to ENFORCEMENT, post DV

29. Many cases where abusers use $/expensive gifts as control tools to “buy” their victim’s silence |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

30. A Sign of DV – Emotional & Financial isolation; barring victims from pursuing careers/interests |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

31. AGAIN, while dating/courting, it’s important 4 couples to discuss issues/expectations/boundaries|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

33. Experts often refer to EMOTIONAL/Psychological abuse as the BIRTH PLACE of ALL other abuse types|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

34. Psychological abuse involves using words OR using silence/malice to reduce self-worth of victims|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

35. I recommend L. Bancroft’s book on Emotional Abuse-Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men #NoToDomesticViolence

36. HOW do WE all curb Domestic Violence individually, as a Society/Community, as Govt Agencies? |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

37. Skewed socio-cultural-traditional conditioning/religious beliefs are key factors abetting abuse |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

38. Culture must be dynamic framework & evolves our interpretation of religion, beliefs, values. A static prism creates stagnation/injustice.

39. What WE condone (as a society-culture-group) simply persists. What society CONDEMNS, consistently/unequivocally DIES AWAY gradually/fast

40. ALL Genders should be taught a consciousness of personal boundary-setting, mutual respect, anger management, emotional guidance scales.

41. Prevention of DV starts with creating awareness on effective parenting to raise ALL kids with HEALTHY self-respect and clear boundaries

42. Prevention/curbing of DV involves creating awareness in educational/socio-cultural institutions |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

43. Curbing DV entails educating religious leaders/community orgs on its causes, effects, solutions |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

44. Prevention of DV-identifying/providing support 4 kids/adults who’re at risk esp if they witnessed abuse growing up|#NoToDomesticViolence

45. Organizations like @wholewomaninc & @wrapang carry out awareness programs with key stakeholders |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

46. Refer to tweets on HOW TO CREATE SAFE SPACES for victims of DV by my colleague/fellow panelist, @SuperGirlTimidi |#NoToDomesticViolence

47. The basic foundation of safe spaces is EMPATHY –in our words, perceptions & judgments of victims|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

48. As individuals/as a society, creating awareness to end the stigma around DV & decisions of victims to leave unsafe spaces = Critical..

49. Often, all abuse stems from INEQUALITY, insecurity, unhealthy mind space of “greater than” / “less than”. NASS should pass the #GEOBill

50. Educating a girl-child, in a patriarchal society, must expand to truly EMPOWERING her about finances, self-esteem/worth/boundary setting

51. Education/empowerment must also include the boy-child, to unlearn certain socially entrenched/socialized patterns of thoughts/behaviour

52. Societal shift needed-STOP shaming/blaming victims & rather hold perpetrators accountable for DV|#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

53. Victims of abuse, the children, their circle of friends and families need psycho-social support |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

54. An area that’s often neglected is mandatory therapy & REHABILITATION of convicted or identified perpetrators of DV|#NoToDomesticViolence

55. How do we PRACTICE #NoToDomesticViolence using structured social, legal, systemic/regulatory frameworks/policies?|#NoToDomesticViolence

57. There’s a need to have the right legal/enforcement environment to curb DV. The VAPP law addresses some core issues |#NoToDomesticViolence

58. What are GAPS we must address as a society to create safer spaces & curb Domestic Violence? 1/2 |#NoToDomesticViolence #BreakingBarriers

59.  Need for co-ordination & integration of all the primary, secondary & inter-linked agencies in the value chain to curb domestic abuse|2/2

60. Govt participation -key stakeholder –NGOs/Faith-based groups must engage Govt persistently on deliverables/mandate/hold them accountable

61. Again, thanks for inviting me on your platform. My appreciation to all who engaged & retweeted AWARENESS IS KEY! We all CO-CREATE change

Thank you Juliet Kego for those insightful and expository  words shared on #BreakingBarriers.  

To your success, 

Adedayo Olabamiji 

Twitter : @dayus4heaven 

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